Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
