Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
