I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
