Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize