i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
