if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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