You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
