All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
