I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm passing your future prison.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
