please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
