i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
