She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
