I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
