Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
