Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
