Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
