It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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