He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
