And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
