please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
