Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
