I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
