...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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