I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
