He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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