And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
