First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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