is your mom at the bar?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
