Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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