Who wears a wallet chain?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize