I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
