So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
