I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
