It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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