I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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