Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
