Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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