Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
