my phone needs a breathalizer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
