Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
