tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
