Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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