rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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