nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
