even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
