so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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