My room smells like vodka and shame
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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