I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
