come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
