Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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