A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
