I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
