I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
