New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
