why didn't you poke me back
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
