totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
