Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
