Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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