It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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