what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
