Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
