so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize