Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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