And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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