I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize