Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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