with your own penis?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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