that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
