i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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