i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And then he peed in my hair
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