I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
