I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
