Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
